Positive parenting

My becoming a father started early, with my first son born the day before my nineteenth birthday. That was fifteen years ago, and what a great experience being a father has been.

When my marriage broke up after three years, I had two wonderful sons to share. Lance, Jr. was two and Beau was six months old when I became a single father. Two typically developing children to love, take care of, watch out for, clean up after, teach and be taught by, all after a full day of work at the sawmill. Being a single parent had to be the single hardest, most strenuous and dedicated thing I have done in my life, but little did I know the hardest part was yet to come.

When Lance, Jr. was seven years old, he and his brother went to visit their mom for the weekend. They were playing in a park in early March with their two cousins when they all four ventured out onto thin ice and fell through the frigid waters. Lance slipped under the ice and was pulled from the water thirty minutes later by a rescue diver.

After a month in an Intensive Care Unit, he was left severely brain damaged, still in a coma, with little encouragement from doctors. For the next several months Lance remained in a coma and resided at a children's home that we selected for long term care. During this ordeal I still wonder how I survived. I went through whole array of emotions: guilt, hurt, loss, loneliness, and isolation.

One day I remember holding Lance in my arms and crying, still wondering, "Why my child, why us?" Then like the fabled tons of bricks it hit me! I could spend the rest of my life asking why, feeling sorry for myself, and maybe even destroying the family unit the boys and I shared that was so important to me. On the other hand, I could give Lance the support and strength that he so desperately needed. I had to accept what had happened and go on.

For the next year I concentrated on what I could do to help support Lance and how to unite our family at home again, even though I was still a single dad working full time. At the same time I still had to be a good father to my youngest son who was also going through all the emotions of a traumatic experience.

Lance came home just short of two years, after his accident, on Christmas Eve. That was five years ago and the best present I could have asked for. We have nursing support in the home, along with enough equipment and medical supplies to furnish a small clinic. With my belief in more natural interventions rather than medical one's, Lance's health is fairly stable. He attends school full time and participates in as many activities as a "typical" fifteen years old boy as possible. I have also recently remarried and have inherited another son so our family is even bigger and better than before.

Through our experience we found that there still a lot of accepting, helpful people in the world today who are willing to lend a hand. Without support from my family, friends, and my children, I don't know if I would have made it through.

As for being a father and all the challenges it has presented, it is still the greatest and most rewarding experience in my life. I have fought off the urge to be an overprotective parent because of my son's accident. I feel that is so easy to do, but it is a big obstacle to a child's development. I had faith in the way I was parenting before Lance's accident so I continued.

The things I have learned from the challenges I have gone through have made me a better person and also a better father to Beau. Once I accepted Lance, Jr. as he was, everything just came around for us. As a result, I have great pride in my children as well as myself. A positive attitude makes all the difference in the world, especially when dealing with all the people that will be involved with your child in the years to come.

Lance Morehouse
Spokane, WA

This article was published in the WSFN Connections Newsletter in 1997

Lance Morehouse, his wife Ahlea, and his three teenage sons, Lance Jr.(18), Terry(16), and Beau(16) live in Spokane, Washington. Lance jr. has multiple disabilities as a result of a near drowning accident in 1990 and lives at home with the assistance of in home nursing care. Lance was a single father for 11 years until he married Ahlea in 1996. Lance worked in sawmills in the northwest for 13 years before he made a career change to work with families who have children with special needs and developmental disabilities in 1998.

Lance works with families who have children with special needs through several projects:

· Washington State Fathers Network – Resources and support for fathers and families of children with special needs.

· Family Educator Partnership Project – Encouraging families, educators, and community agencies to work together in supporting children and youth who need special education services.

· Spokane County Parent Coalition – Information, education, resources, and advocacy for families who have members with developmental disabilities.

Lance enjoys time with his family, camping, fishing, collecting basketball cards, and also coaches the boy's baseball team.

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Last modified: 07/23/10